Digging through BSF notes I saw Romans 8:29: “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son.” The explanation was God is able to use everything in life, good or bad, to make His children more like Jesus.
Logically, “Jesus, am I really like you?” began to nag at me.
This, along with proclaiming how excellent God is, gives me a grand sense of purpose in my life.
If nothing else in my life matters, I want my life to associate with Jesus – to at least have tried to live for God. I know in the end my few possessions, my relationships, my job, my character, all these things aren’t worth as much as my personal and inner dealings with God. Realising this more and more, perhaps that’s why I am sad, lonely, quite pessimistic and jaded with the shallowness of this world and the things everybody else cares so much about. I see that their hopes in these things will not last, and I see that we do not agree on priorities and value. That is why I am alone. A big part of my dissatisfaction with people and constant searching is for individuals who share the same deep, unspoken love for God above all else. I am disappointed to find so few peers.
When I think “Jesus am I like you?” I see some similarities and many differences. At first glance, how can I possibly compare to the Son of God? Yet I think of Paul. In 2 Corinthians he writes that he is known by God but unknown by the world, and he possesses everything eternal in Jesus but he owns nothing else. I can relate so bad. At CCF and Queens I got used to being known, having my name called, being supported and having friends to catch up with at my disposal. Since then I’ve felt unclear of my role within big groups, often misunderstood, ignored and unheard, not given a chance to speak. With the latter I consistently find myself being ‘possessed’ by people, games, habits, and surrendering them as they lead me to being more alone. I feel only truly known by God (and some people), and still many times I forget that He knows and He has personally experienced all of this.
Jesus is so hardcore in his obedience, love and suffering. Believing the bible is true, who am I to complain and grudge to the extent that I do? It is hard to comprehend that Jesus’ life work on earth was to reveal the Father to us, and to save us. He must have wanted to give up every time it seemed unbearable; so how did he come through each and every time? Though Jesus struggled, I’m just starting to see how every choice he made was chosen to please his Father over himself. To know Jesus in a deeper way I know I am called to do the same – honour my Father first and deny my-‘self’ repeatedly.
The apostles rejoiced upon their arrest for gospel witnessing; Joseph endured 20 years of abandonment by his brothers before saying “God intended it all for good”; and David saw that before his afflictions he had gone astray, but through them he returned to obey the Lord’s word. Does my pain too reflect union with my Saviour?